


An overabundance of Matchmakers

by chaWOOPa



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Firsts, Fluff, M/M, Taakitz Week, backgroud/implied lup/barry, epileptic!taako, hey guys taako's cat is just as much an asshole as taako, support animal, support cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 07:25:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14100339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaWOOPa/pseuds/chaWOOPa
Summary: Taako bands his head on the keyboard of his laptop and when he comes away the keysmash looks more like words than anything that came before it. He is supposed to be a scientist and a journalist, he has multiple papers and studies published about transmutation and chemistry and the cross between them, he has been writing scathing reviews about everything from clothing to food to books and back again, he should be able to write an email to an ameture musician.But here he is, 27 year old with 2 PHDs, smashing his forehead into his keyboard, all because he is too gay to function even mildly well.-----------------------------------Taakitz week day one: Firsts (first text)





	An overabundance of Matchmakers

Taako bands his head on the keyboard of his laptop and when he comes away the keysmash looks more like words than anything that came before it. He is supposed to be a scientist and a journalist, he has multiple papers and studies published about transmutation and chemistry and the cross between them, he has been writing scathing reviews about everything from clothing to food to books and back again, he should be able to write an email to an _ameture musician_.

 

But here he is, 27 year old with 2 PHDs, smashing his forehead into his keyboard, all because he is too gay to function even mildly well.

 

Taako sighs as he leans back in his chair and deletes the keysmash.

 

“ _Fuck,_ ” he says quietly as he starts the email again and this time he gets halfway through a line about meeting for coffee before screaming in frustration and throwing his hands in the air in defeat. “Fucking, why couldn’t he just give me his phone number like a normal person?!” he asks the grumpy orange cat sitting on his bed before running his hands through his long blonde hair and looking back at his email. “Maybe i should just send him my fucking phone number and be like, ‘ _here you go, call me if you wanna talk!’_ ”

 

Taako falls back into his chair and lets out his breath in a huff, deleting the offending sentence and starting it over.

 

He repeats this process four more times before reading the final product (that included his phone number) to Garfield and then hitting send. If nothing comes of it, than nothing comes of it, and that is okay with him.

 

(It isn’t, actually, but that's besides the point.)

 

Taako collapses into bed around his fat orange cat who huffs at the attention but doesn’t try to escape Taako’s hold. They have been roommates since Taako moved out of Lup and barry’s apartment four years ago (and were still family before that) and so Garfield is more than familiar with the way Taako will hold onto him until he feels better. Garfield wouldn’t purr if his life depended on it, but he enjoyed the attention.

 

He and Taako were similar like that.

 

Taako wakes up to a paw insistently tapping his cheek and he rolls his eyes and groans as Garfield mewls. He rolls off of his bed and onto the floor with a soft thump, giving his cat a petulant glare when he looked unimpressed over the side of the bed and mewled again.

 

“I’m out of bed, Gar! What more could you want from me?!” he stretches one more time before sitting up and reaching for his phone from where it rests on the wireless charger on his nightstand. He knows he will have a missed call from his sister and probably about four or five texts to go with it, but he doesn’t really care when he checks his phone and sees an unfamiliar number on the screen.

 

It takes his brain exactly ten seconds to process who he has given his personal phone number to in the past few days before he screams and nearly throws his phone.

 

Garfield doesn't flinch.

 

Taako grabs his phone from where it has fallen by his knee and frantically tries to unlock it, growling frustratedly when his fumbling locks him out for thirty seconds. Garfield mewls more insistently from the bed and Taako’s stomach growls, causing Taako to groan again and flop back so he is looking up at the ceiling with his phone on the floor next to his hand.

 

“Fuckin… body, having to actually fuckin eat and shit....” he mutters as he lays there for a moment, only stirring when Garfield jumps off his bed and lands directly on his midsection. “Oof, what the fuck asshole?”

 

Taako doesn’t even bother to ask about his aim, knowing from experience that the cat landed exactly where he meant to, and he grabs his phone again as he sits up and pushes him off his lap so he can stand.

 

As he moves towards the kitchen with the cat winding its way around his legs the whole way, he manages to finally unlock his phone and elects to go through the barrage of “did you email him yet” texts from his sister before looking at the unknown number.

 

He leans his weight on his elbows as he finishes a text to his sister and sends it off, then hesitates over the back button, a knot twisting in his gut as he contemplates what message could be waiting him from the unknown number.

 

“What if it isn’t Skull boy?” Taako looks up at Garfield who is giving him the same unimpressed look he has been giving him since he woke Taako up. “You are right, it’s stupid to worry,” he looks back down at his phone and takes a deep breath before putting his phone in sleep mode and saying, “oops! Hit the wrong button! Oh well! Might as well feed you and me now that my phone’s off!”

 

Taako turns his back on Garfield’s long suffering eye-roll and leaves his phone on the counter as he walks the two steps to the fridge. He has time to open it and take stock of what it on the top shelf before he hears the thump of his phone hitting the ground and he whirls around to see a _too innocent_ cat settling back into his spot next to his food bowl and his phone face up on the floor.

 

“You mother fucker,” Taako whispers, eyes narrowed.

 

He steps back and scoops his phone off the floor and sets it down carefully, eying his cat distrustfully the whole time. “I will answer him after i make us some food,” Garfield’s tail flicks and he raises a paw to his snout.

 

Taako’s eyes slit thinner and he slowly turns away from his phone and back to the fridge. He glances back twice to his immobile cat before going to bury his head in the fridge and look for something to make, only to hear the telltale _slide-clunk_ of his phone hitting the floor again.

 

“ _I don’t need my cat to play match-maker too!_ ” Taako screams, pulling his head out of the fridge and glaring at the cat who is sitting, again, in his spot by his food dish, the picture of innocence.

 

He meows at Taako and Taako huffs, all anger leaving in an instant as he closes the fridge again and grabs his phone. “Fine, I’ll fucking text him back you goddamn asshole cat,” he unlocks his phone successfully the first time this time and it is still on his and Lup’s conversation.

 

He can see that Lup is typing, but his thumb is hovering over the back button anyway. Garfield meows one more time to tell him to get on with it and he rolls his eyes at his cat as he clicks back to his conversations. He holds his breath as he clicks on the conversation with the unknown number and then lets all out at once in a rush of delighted laughter.

 

“I don’t know what i was so nervous about!” he laughs to his cat for a moment before typing a reply and then turning back to fridge and opening the door to grab some ingredients for a quick dinner. “Our first conversation and he starts it like that!” Taako isn’t done giggling yet, but he is moving to chop vegetables anyway.

 

Garfield settles into a loaf in his spot by his bowl and watches as Taako dances around the kitchen, yelling every now and then when Taako stops to stare at a distant spot for more than five seconds at a time.

 

Garfield has to sit on Taako’s phone to make him go to sleep that night.

 

 

* * *

  
  


**UNKNOWN NUMBER:** _Hey, is this Taako? I got your email and I was going to reply there but you said to shoot you a text message. I am so sorry if this isn’t okay. I would very much enjoy getting to know you better, and this does seem a better way to do it than email._

 

_Kravitz._

 

 **Taaks:** _Yo my man dont even sweat it. nice to know ur naem is kravitz sweetcheeks_

**Author's Note:**

> hey im a slut for taakitz, again, and now yall get asshole service cat garfield who shares his name with teh creepy manager of the store taako, lup, and barry go for groceries. 
> 
> a little background on him, because i love him and i came up with him in 2 hours after i had already started writing this oneshot: 
> 
> taako and lup found him on the street and they don't know how old he is or where he came from, all they know is he knows when taako goes into absent seizures and if he yells taako generally comes out of them. 
> 
> they do not know he is fully certified and that he had been living on the street where someone had left him and when he found taako he had attached himself to his epileptic ass and now he will not leave. 
> 
> they found out his name while talking about the creepy manager, he has never looked/acted happy in his life except for when he purred once while taako was crying and it calmed him down and now taako isn't allowed to speak of it. 
> 
> garfield is always an asshole, but he is different kinds of asshole depending on if taako is taking care of himself and taako is the only one who knows how to interpert these things. 
> 
> if u wanna talk moer about taako with seizures or his asshole service cat that adopted him, come talk to me at lupcult.tumblr.com


End file.
